Flaming Flamboyant Adventure
by DarkOtakuKnights
Summary: What happens if Sebastian stalked Ciel? Ciel is so shocked his face turns into the face of a woman in labor?  Sebastian takes pictures of Ciel sleeping? What will Ciel do? Sebastian calls Ciel narrow? Read to find out more, R&R please :D Thanks
1. Dear Diary

_Black butler doesn't belong to us, if it did then Ciel would be 18 and there would be an yaoi this is sort of random?This is like a diary thing, I write Sebastian's parts and Akane writes Ciel's parts. Well just enjoy and hopefully you laugh :) _

_~Ayame out~_

Sebastian Michaelis-

Today, young master requested for me to get rid of the stray cat I took in... Did I? No, it is currently being held in the garden, but Ciel found it and called me a cat obsessed moron... But still, we are bonded.


	2. That Cat Obssessed Moron!

_Remember Akane writes Ciel's parts!Just clearing that up, oh and we are two different people, I dont want people to think I think Im crazy :) Enjoy~!_

_~Ayame out~_

Ciel Phatomhive-

That cat-obsessed moron! I tell that stupid, arrogant, idiotic butler to get rid of a troublesome feline; but what does he do? Why, he keeps it, of course! Because of him, it sparked an asthma attack; stupid dirty feline! He always goes on about how if a butler can't do something as killing 104 men in two minutes, then he isn't worth his salt! And yet, he couldn't take care of a mangy cat! He will surely be punished later.


	3. Asthma Attack

Sebastian Michaelis-

Yesterday, young master had an asthma attack; I looked for his inhaler, but I guess the cat took the inhaler with him... I still have the black stray in the garden. Until I hear the words check mate, my love of cats shall not die! Well, I better go. Bardroy overcooked tonight's dinner. Ah, Finnian trimmed the hedges down to a foot... Mey-Rin tripped and got blood all over the stairs... I am but one hell of a butler!


	4. Tooth Ache

Ciel Phantomhive-

Urgh... The pain. My tooth! It's all that damn butler's fault! He gave me those sweets, fully aware he would cause a cavity in my... sensitive teeth. What's worse is he takes me to the undertaker! THE UNDERTAKER! He was giggling the whole time too! Who knew demons could giggle? Not I.


	5. Such a Sadist

Sebastian Michaelis-

Sometimes I smile when I cause Ciel pain. Why? Must be the sadist in me. Or could be the fact that I'm a demon. Ciel and I had a very humorous conversation...

Me - "Young master, I've come to realize you don't like physical contact. you don't seem to mind me though."

Ciel - "Where would you be getting to?"

Me - "Could it be that young master is straight but not narrow?"

Ciel - "Go help make dinner..."

The sadist in me shows up a bit too much.


	6. Narrow?

Ciel phantomhive-

How could he call me...n-narrow? I, Ciel Phantomhive, cannot be narrow! I made sure to spit in his tea when he wasn't looking. Justice is served.


	7. Step six, win

Sebastian Michealis-

I bet Ciel didn't know I saw him 'not' spit in my tea. One step at a time then.

Step one: call him fey.

Step two: confuse him.

Step three: f*** him.

Step five: succeed.

Step six: win.


	8. Kidnapped Yet Again

Ciel Phatomhive-

Today I was kidnapped yet again. Sebastian says it wasn't my fault I was so rape-able. RAPE-ABLE? I am NOT rape-able. Nor am I narrow. Speaking of narrow... Finni broke my walking stick. Darn his super-human strength! I must go into town to get another with Sebastian.


	9. Walk in Town

Sebastian Michaelis-

I'm so happy... we got to walk in town. This helps my plan so much... I could pay someone to... no that's what I want to do myself. Can't wait. I'll have to thank Finn... Oh joy, I hope my god complex doesn't show.


	10. Yaoi Fangirls

Ciel Phatomhive-

Darn Sebastian and his wandering hands, attempting... naughty things the middle of town. I thought I told him I wasn't fey! And these annoying friends of Elizabeth saw us - actually, HIM abusing my beautiful body, and got nosebleeds. Finally they left - or actually fainted of blood loss. Good Riddance.


	11. So close to rape?

Sebastian Michaelis-

Ah, I was so close to raping him, but fan girls got in the way. Hmm, I'll be back in a few minutes...

Ciel was asleep so I put a camera in his room and took pictures of him sleeping; I wonder if he knows I sleep in his bed when he sleeps?


	12. In bed!

Ciel Phantomhive-

I woke up to a warm object by me. I turn facing it to see that d*** butler being all creepy.

"Wh-what the hell?" I hollered.

"Oh shit..." He says when he opens his eyes.

"Wha-GET OUT YOU DISTURBING FREELOADER!"

He looks at me with that damn smirk before saying "Yes, my lord."


	13. Stalkerish much?

Sebastian Michaelis-

Today at lunch, Ciel asked me something.

"Sebastian, how long have you been sleeping with me?" He looked angry.

"Every Monday, and every other Friday," I smirked while slowly scooting my chair over. Then he saw me moving and started scooting away. Before he noticed, we went around the table five times. Ciel got angry and threw hot tea on my face. He's so cute when he's angry!


	14. Prank

Ciel Phantomhive-

Damn him! I hope the tea ruins his perfect face. I decided to play a trick on him for revenge. It went like this:

"Sebastian, come to the library!"I shouted, standing fifteen feet away from the door.

Sebastian opens the door, walks in, and catches the bucket of worms I threw at him.

"Yes, bocchan?"

"Never mind..." I mumbled.

Damn him!


	15. I smell your clothes?

Sebastian Michaelis-

Ah, Ciel tried to play a trick on me, eh? Well I tried talking to him about this.

"Young master, why did you try to play a trick on me?" Ciel looked angry.

"Because you slept in my bed without me knowing!" His face turned to the face of a woman in labor... The one time I don't want to rape him...

"Don't forget the pictures! Oh and that I smell your clothes, and when I say I'm washing them, I put them in a big pile and roll around in them. i also put sleeping pills in your food so that when you fall asleep, no matter what, you won't wake up for a while.

"...um..." He dashed out of the room, but he didn't run far; I know because of a certain tracking device.


	16. In the closet

Ciel Phantomhive-

"Holy shit!" I mumbled, hiding in a closet. "What's his problem?" Just then, an idea rose to my brain. I ran out of the closet and into Alois's guest room. 'He's such a slut,' I thought. I rummaged through his closet until I found the perfect outfit. I put it on and looked in front of the mirror. I had on the shortest boy shorts ever. God... so revealing... perfect. I had on combat boots and a tight, unbuttoned jacket and a bow around my neck. HA! No shirt. i think nI look pretty sexy - more so than normal.

"OHHH Sebastian-chaaan!" I called out.


	17. Smexy?

Sebastian Michaelis-

"Why Ciel... you look like a person who is addicted to crack and sells themselves... Oh, must be some of Alois's spare clothes."

"What? No way! Don't I look sexy?" He looked horrified.

"Hmmm... you look like you just had hardcore sex with a meth addict in a back alley, but no worries, I still want to rape you!"

"YES! See, I told you I'm sexy!...wait what?" His eyes widened.


	18. Make your move

Ciel Phatomhive-

"Whaaat?" He advanced forward. I backwards.

"You shouldn't have dressed like that, bocchan," He licked his lips.

"Eh hehehe..." I looked at him for a good three seconds before he pounced. I side-stepped, barely avoiding him.

"WAAA! I need an adult! I need an adult!" I screamed, running away. Where the hell are those damn servants? I haven't seen them since...ever! I see my room up ahead and run into it, locking the door. i sigh in relief and close my eyes. All of a sudden, I hear, "Why, hello, bocchan, where have you been?"

"AAAAHHH!"


	19. I pushed him on the bed

Sebastian Michaelis-

I pushed him on the bed, get on top of him, but right before I made my move, I saw Mei-Rin standing there, bushing blood and holding a broom in her hand.

"Alois and Sebastian! I knew something was going on!" She skipped around happily before falling on her face. Ciel looked at me then ran off to change back. Aren't I gald I put cameras up all over the house. I can relive this moment whenever I want!


	20. Gross!

Ciel Phatomhive-

I shall get Mei-rin back! I just got done with the prank when she came back. I started to giggle in my cupboard I was hiding in.

"Lalalala~!" She opened the broom closet and a bucket of dead spiders fell on her. I laughed hysterically and fell out of the cupboard.

"Ahahaha!" I laughed; holding my sides.

"Wha-Ack!" She screamed and ran off, crying somewhere.

Ah... Life is good.


	21. Burn!

Sebastian Michaelis-

Today, I burned all the fabric in the house, so Ciel had to walk around the house naked. Do I regret it? No, although Ciel caught a cold. Oh, I didn't burn Ciels clothes, I kept them locked in my closet with all his pictures.


	22. What the Hell!

Ciel Phantomhive~

Today I was exploring the manor when I stumbled across a closet I have yet to discover. How peculiar, I thought. I walk in and see all my clothes and a little shrine dedicated to me in it.

"What the fu-" Hands covered my eyes.

"This is all just a part of your cold Bocchan. Go to sleep, you'll feel better.

"Sebastian…its two in the afternoon."

A/N: AKANE HERE :D I dunno if Ayame mentioned that I wrote Ciel's part so ima throw that in there. Till later darlings~


	23. I love you Ciel!

_Pst, Akane I wrote that you did Ciel's part in the first part of all this! .-. I wouldnt be mean and say I did it_

_~Ayame out~_

Sebastian Michaelis-

A few days ago Ciel found my shine, oh well...Today I was watching my videos of Ciel in the shower, and making copies of it, and Ciel walked in my room!This is how it went...

Me- "Oh yeah Ciel you scrub your hair!"

Ciel- -Walks in- "What the he-"

Me- "Ah! What does young master want for dinner?"

Ciel- "Look...you've already tried raping me, this isn't any worse...although still creepy as hell"

Me- "Then would you like me for dinner?"

Ciel- "...Would you like to have me kick your ass?"

Ah Ciel, I know you love me, he's just to shy to say so! I love you Ciel!


	24. Tshirts

**A/N:**AYAME I LOST MY PHONE! Sorry had to tell shout out to someone! :D Anywho, here's **MY** part of this delicious crack!

Ciel Phantomhive-

What the hell is wrong with that damn butler? Today while I was visiting with Lau, he decided to change is attire. He changed into short shorts and an _**I LOVE CIEL! **_tee. Lau wouldn't stop laughing. He is going to tell all of my acquaintances! He looked so damn slutty in those shorts-like Alois. Oh well if he wants to be a harlot, let him.

A/N: Man I LOVE Alois bashing! Sorry to all Alois lovers-you know what? I'm not sorry. :D Till later my pretties~


	25. Ciel Fanclub!

_Ahhh Akane, I was all sad that you werent texting me xD Good thing you posted that. Oh!In my class if you fall asleep he stabs you with a sword, made out of wood, or if he's talking he'll throw chalk at your face, but that's not as your teacher, and to all the readers, enjoy :)_

Sebastian Michaelis-

Today Ciel showed up at a "We Love Ciel Fanclub" meeting...I bet he didnt know I was the president. Here's how it went.

Me- "And if anyone has any sexy pictures of Ciel, we need them for the How Many Times Can You do Ciel video game."

Ciel- -Walks in- "...The what video game?"

Then every member stood up and started taking pictures...The about half of them were chanting strip, strip, strip!...Ciels mouth fell open,I dont think he knew that we could use that picture for the game...

Ciel- "Sebastian...do you have something to say?" Ciel looked pissed...

Me- "Well...I mean...(sigh)...okay I started the strip chant, but you dont have to if you dont want to..." I glanced behind me, and saw a club member with a rope, getting ready to Ciel up with it... "Ah okay well you kind of do, we need pictures for the game, and for personal use..."

Ciel- "...I have to go..." He was half way out the door, not seeing the club member hiding behind the door, he became tangled in net made of ropes, the nerd like members threw red and white balls and hit Ciel in the head, strange?Maybe they were trying to knock him out?

Well that's it for now, Ciel fans unite!


	26. Darth Vador

Yo, Akane here. Man my dad is so mean. He called me selfish and threw me outta the house on the COLDEST FREAKING NIGHT POSSIBLE!  
>I hate him. Right now I'm typing this on my phone so if theres any screw-ups, DON'T TELL ME.<p>"HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" I hollered at the man throwing balls(HA!)at my head.<br>"Umm...that was supposed to knock you out...so yeah...awkward, huh?" A couple heads bobbled up and down. I scanned the "club" to see who was in it.  
>I see Madam Red(before she died), Lau, Ran-Maou, Undertaker, Claude,the pedophile that tried to kidnap me in the park, and ...DARTH FREAKING VADER!<br>"...Aunt Ann...UNDERTAKER, AND THAT PEDOPHILE IN THE PARK? Sebastion what the hell is this?"  
>"I have already told you, you sexy beast. A fan club."Yes, yes. I see that...but why the hell is Darth Vader here?" I asked confused.<br>"I do not turn away Ciel lovers Bocchan."

A/N: yeaa sorry for mistakes. DONT YOU DARE COMMENT ON THEM OR I WILL DRINK ALL OF YOUR POP. So for the sane ones asking about darth vader, I looked at a bush in my backyard and the head looked like Darth Vader...  
>Nuff said. o.o <p>


	27. New Member?

_Ah, the ILOSTTHEGAME person gave me this idea, thank you :D Ah, well you guys should read our other stories, -hint hint-, you know, only if you want to..._

_~Ayame out~_

Sebastian Michaelis-

Today, we got another request to join the Ciel fan club, it was a person named Iwanttorapeciel . The strange thing was they came up to me wearing nothing but a picture of Ciel on their face and a bow tie. I said they can join because we don't turn away Ciel lovers, no matter how creepy they may be, they have a very strange name too.

Today I roofied Ciel's tea. After he passed out, I dragged him to the club room and tied him to a stripper pole. I then dressed him up in a maid dress and cat ears. A group of Ciel lovers rushed through the door saying their Ciel senses were tingling... it's as if they were looking through the window...


	28. Auctions

A/N: Sorry I didn't upload any chappies D: oh well. Anywhozzle here ya go.

"350 dollars. Going once-. 700 dollars! Sold to…Undertaker?" I here as I walk past a door.

What is going on? I slowly open the door to reveal my stalkers-I mean followers (as Sebastian calls them) at an auction. I also see said butler trading my underwear for money.

"WHAT THE HELL?" I bellow, slamming the door all the way open. "My underwear! …why are you all staring at me like that?" I ask, scared for my innocence. "Sebastian-." I start as he lifts me up by the armpits.

"Starting at 1,000,000,000 dollars." I hear shouting and signs raising. I can feel my anger rising.

"How dare you try to sell me! I am not a slave! Put me down now!"

"Oh Bocchan, relax. I'm not going to sell you." I sigh in relief. "Because you _mine."_

_Oh great._


	29. To lazy to name

_Ah, hope ya like it :) The crack kinda died...I think I was going for laughs?Oh! Im making a story called "Counseling with the Black Butler Boys" It's where everyone gets counseled, and it's crack...and uh...you know...check it out soon!Tell me what you think...Anywho, enjoy!_

_~Ayame Out!~_

Sebastian Michaelis-

Today we went to counselor, Ciel said I needed to know where to stop with my so called 'perverted ways'. He was so cute, and angry...mostly angry though, this is what happened...

Counselor- "So...lets talk about what you two did yesterday to ease the tension..."

Ciel- "..."

Me- "Ciel dont be so shy..."

Ciel- "...You fat cow!...Im not going to say anything to this mindreader freak..."

Counselor- "...You need to learn to whisper, or be kinder...Ciel what happened to your paren-..."

Me- "Anywho, yesterday I was watching."

Counselor- "Watching what?"

Me- "Ciel."

Ciel- "Do you see what I mean? You both are freaks! Sebastian the perverted butler who faps to me when Im sleeping and the freaky counselor! I dont get much sleep because of him, he makes me stay up for days!"

Counselor- "Um...Ciel, I think you're over reacting, he doesn't watch you, nor does he 'fap' to you, it could be that you just have a overactiv-..."

Me- "Such a big fat lie! You do sleep!Did you sleep last night?"

Ciel- "No! I was scared you would come in my room and fap in my bed, you sicko!"

And at this point the counselor looked disgusted, and like he thought that Ciel was insane.

Me- "Lies! Last night, guess what I did? I came in your room and fapped all over the place..."

Ciel looked like a kid who just walked in on his parents 'doing the do'.

Ciel- "You're sick! I hope you die in a fire!"

Me- "Oh like your parents?"

Ciel- "..." He was about to say something before the counselor cut in.

Counselor- "Um...are you sure you don't want to go to couples counseling?"

Ciel- "No!"

Me- "Yes!...I...I mean no..."

Ciel- "Do you see what I mean?"

Counselor- "I think you two need some shock therapy..."

Ciel- "...You know what? I bet you rape little children, after all it's easy because you're a mind reader..."

Counselor- "...What makes you say that?"

Ciel- "...Well a counselor is a therapist..."

Counselor- "And?"

Ciel- "It means...THE RAPIST... It's like posting it on your door that you like to rape little children...I mean Sebastian doesn't even go that far you sicko..."

Me- "Yeah...you know, I may sleep in Ciel's clothes and pretend he's next to me naked asking if he can have some sweets...but you're just crazy!"

We then kept rambling about things we do, and say, until about twenty minutes day ended up with Ciel paying an extra six hundred dollars for the counselor to go to therapy, I wonder why? The counselor knocked some sense into me, I finally took the cameras out of the garden...and put them into Ciel's bathtub...Luckily they're water proof...


	30. Peru Peru

**A/N**: JUST SAW PARANORMAL ACTIVITIES 3 D:! scary shiz man. Everyone was screaming and the girl looked like the grudge! Last night I slept with the lights on :D

OoO

That stupid idiot! He just blew me up, who does that? doesn't the contract state that he cannot hurt me? Oh well, it doesn't even compare to what he did to me today. He came up to me and licked my cheek. Naturally I would retaliate and beat the crap out of him, but he said something that made me laugh. It went like this

-Knocks on door-

Me: "Enter."

-Sebastian walks in, walks up to me, and licks my cheek- "I own you."

Me: Ahaha you own me? OWN me? No Sebastian, I own you. And my cheek that you just licked? Yea…Peru-Peru just licked not even 4 minutes ago."

-I stand up and slapped him in the face- "And why are you out of the kitchen?"


	31. Smex!

_Whoops, sorry it took so long to update...Had so manythings going on...Anywho, enjoy! :D...pst...Sorry it's so long!_

_~Ayame out~!_

Sebastian Michaelis-

Today was a good day, I cleaned the house, washed the house, cleaned the yard, washed the Ciel, I did everything I wanted to do, I can die happily. You might be confused about me washing Ciel, but let me tell you, it was more fun then creepy. Here's the story on this hot topic...

"Sebastian! Fetch me some clothes, I forgot them out side the door!" Strange, Ciel doesnt forget things like this...Maybe he WANTS me to come in! Oh joy!I ran by the door to grab his clothes, I then quickly ran into the bathroom.I was then greeted by a yummy site of Ciel sitting in the bathtub covered in bubbles.

"Here you are my love!" I said while handing him a bundled up mess of looked at me like I had just asked him to marry him...which is the face of joy...Okay I lied, it was the face of a person who just watched a puppy eat a pig that was covered in lard...He then replied like the quick little cutey he was.

"I would appreciate if you never said that again...and by that I mean I'll cut your tongue out with a very very dull knife..."I was offended for a split second until I realized what he was trying to say.

"Oh...I see...Ah! I have some whips and candles in the back room if you wish to..." He had cut me off half way.

"No!...Erm...I mean...no thank you...get out..."After he asked me to have quick sweaty man butt sex in the bath tub with him, he just kicks me out? How strange...I was hit with his fist which hit my stomach

and caused me to stumble back and forth about three times, before landing in the bathtub with Ciel, which had cause Ciel to throw the messy clothes over my face, and in turn ruinned my fun.

"Get out!" Ciel was beet red. Thats when I felt where I was laying on, my face turned red as I slowly sat up.

"Take your leave or get punched in the face you cow!" That confirmed it, he wouldn't be so red if I hadn't land in the spot I was now...

"Dont you understand me? I said leave!" Ciel tried pushing me off but I wouldnt budge, and the more he moved the more awkward it got...He finally stopped moving knowing that it wasnt working.

"Master..." I moved down just enough for our lips to was a split second of that bliss before Ciel went all captain falcon on me and kicked me out of the tub.

"You pervert! Get out!" Ciel managed to get the slightly wet clothes off the ground and nail me in the face with it, I smiled knowing how angry he was.I grabbed the door and spun around it, to reach the hall.

"Good bye for now my love! Toodles!" I slammed the door, then about to pull out my camera to get a quick picture, I was interupted by Ciel in a bath robe looking at me.

"Get me new water!"Ciel's face was tilted at a angle so all I could see was his hair.

"Why?" I smiled at him.

"You filthy pig, you dirtied it!"

"Yes my cute master that I want to do dirty things with!"Ciel quickly turned his head, and quickly moved his hand towards my face. I then fell backwards, for drama's sake .

"You cow! Stand up and fill that tub now!"It seems Ciel gets mean while Embarrassed.

"Yes ma'am!"

"Just go..."He turned his head again.

"Yes my love!" I smiled knowing how much that name annoys him, when I turned around Ciel threw my book of pictures of him at me.

"And take your creepy picture book with you! You pedophile!" I sighed before smiling even bigger.

"Oh ...Everything is right in the world." I started mopping up the dirty water before seeing a petrified Meyrin plop out the closet.

"Coming out I see?" I smirked.

"Ah...what was..."She seemed to be frozen.

"What was? By the way, I see you havent cleaned out the kitchen yet...get to it!"After she left, my phone went off, which of course was Ciel repeating the word "Woof" Which of course made me want to watch him sleep then rape him repeatedly, and thats not something I would say out loud...to anyone but Ciel...Oh! Time for a club meeting be back soon!

...

We had someone join the club, his name was Leic, what a strange name...He said he wanted to see all the pictures we had of Ciel, but of course I didnt let him see my privete stash of them under my pillow...Oh Ciel, I love it when you wash that hair of yours...Ehm! B-But of course its the naked part that gets me...not his silky smooth hair...and I dont smell his hair when he's sleeping...that's crazy...Oh...I have to go! Bye! I love you Dairy!


	32. Meyrin Speaks

_For those who didnt notice...Leic is Ciel...but backwards...So uh...you have something to think about -Wink Wink-...Sorry not much crack! I want to make her the normal person in this so I'll be funnier when she gets mixxed up in the crazy people's doings..._

_~Ayame Out~!_

Meyrin-

Today I watched a site that looked like a fish trying to bite off a cows face in a bathtub...It was very gross...Now Sebastian would be the cute fish and Ciel would be the sick fat cow...Not that I hate Ciel...it's just that...He...he...he's pure evil!...I need to burn my eyes! I think everyone would be in shock after they heard about this! It's sick! Well...Sebastian can crawl up my mole hole anytime!...I asked Sebastian about this and this is what he said...

"So...what was this kiss about...and the bathroom sex?"I was holding up a broom in case he went Hulk on me...

"Well when a man and..."He seemed to look behind him and smile before he went on. "**WOMAN **love each other..."He seemed yelled the woman part...Ciel jumped out of a corner and started yelling at him.

"Im a woman? No! Youre the woman! You have a large bust anyways!Thats right! You have **MANBOOBS**! You fat lazy pig!"Sebastian's eyes widend.

"Lies! The cake is a lie!...Wait...wrong thing...Ehm! Blasting off agai-...DARN IT! Im leaving..."Sebastian grabbed Ciel's arm before turnning away...They look like lovers having a fight...Sometimes I wonder, Am I the only non crazy person in the house...


	33. Poopy head!

**A/N****: **:D. That is all.

Akane is OUT!~

I am so not a woman! Does he not understand rejection? I make it very clear to him that I do not share these grotesque feelings…because Phantomhives' are straight…right? I think I'm going to let him down gently.

OOo

Ok…so this is how it went:

Me: Sebastian, I do not like you. I will never like you. You look very feminine with your haircut and all. I just don't swing that way. I know, your depressed, but you will feel better once you get me some tea.

Sebastian: Bocchan, do you realize what you **JUST said?**

**Me: Of course I do! I turned you down gently!**

**Sebastian: You have just said, young master, that you do not swing towards females.**

**Me: -Face palm- Shit. Dammit, no! You bastard! To hell with gentleness! You DISGUST ME! You-you…POOPY-HEAD!**

**Sebastian: Poopy-head, young lord? That is the best you can come up with? Sometimes I forget you are merely a child!**

**Me: I AM NOT A CHILD! I AM A MAN!**

**Sebastian: Yes, sire. A WO-man.**

**Me: Dammit all to hell!**


	34. You Sicko!

_Ah, hope ya like it :) The crack kinda died...I think I was going for laughs?Oh! Im making a story called "Counseling with the Black Butler Boys" It's where everyone gets counseled, and it's crack...and uh...you know...check it out soon!Tell me what you think...Anywho, enjoy!_

_~Ayame Out!~_

Sebastian Michaelis-

Today we went to counselor, Ciel said I needed to know where to stop with my so called 'perverted ways'. He was so cute, and angry...mostly angry though, this is what happened...

Counselor- "So...lets talk about what you two did yesterday to ease the tension..."

Ciel- "..."

Me- "Ciel dont be so shy..."

Ciel- "...You fat cow!...Im not going to say anything to this mindreader freak..."

Counselor- "...You need to learn to whisper, or be kinder...Ciel, what happened to your paren-..."

Me- "Anywho, yesterday I was watching."

Counselor- "Watching what?"

Me- "Ciel."

Ciel- "Do you see what I mean? You both are freaks! Sebastian the perverted butler who faps to me when Im sleeping and the freaky counselor! I dont get much sleep because of him, he makes me stay up for days!"

Counselor- "Um...Ciel, I think you're over reacting, he doesn't watch you, nor does he 'fap' to you, it could be that you just have a overactiv-..."

Me- "Such a big fat lie! You do sleep!Did you sleep last night?"

Ciel- "No! I was scared you would come in my room and fap in my bed, you sicko!"

And at this point the counselor looked disgusted, and she thought that Ciel was somewhat insane.

Me- "Lies! Last night, guess what I did? I came in your room and fapped all over the place..."

Ciel looked like a kid who just walked in on his parents 'doing the do'.

Ciel- "You're sick! I hope you die in a fire!"

Me- "Oh like your parents?"

Ciel- "..." He was about to say something before the counselor cut in.

Counselor- "Um...are you sure you don't want to go to couples counseling?"

Ciel- "No!"

Me- "Yes!...I...I mean no..."

Ciel- "Do you see what I mean?"

Counselor- "I think you two need some shock therapy..."

Ciel- "...You know what? I bet you rape little children, after all it's easy because you're a mind reader..."

Counselor- "...What makes you say that?"

Ciel- "...Well a counselor is a therapist..."

Counselor- "And?"

Ciel- "It means...THE RAPIST... It's like posting it on your door that you like to rape little children...I mean Sebastian doesn't even go that far you sicko..."

Me- "Yeah...you know, I may sleep in Ciel's clothes and pretend he's next to me naked asking if he can have some sweets...but you're just crazy!"

We then kept rambling about things we do, and say, until about twenty minutes day ended up with Ciel paying an extra six hundred dollars for the counselor to go to therapy, I wonder why? The counselor knocked some sense into me, I finally took the cameras out of the garden...and put them into Ciel's bathtub...Luckily they're water proof...


	35. Dear Journal

A/N: :D hello all!

Dear Journal:

Today Sebastian and I went to a "Therapist" to help the demons sick mind. No, what they need to help is the THERAPISTS mind. He is hardcore sickening! Even his name is gross! The Rapist? HE RAPES KIDS!

I don't know how I made it out of there alive. And I also found out that Sebastian faps on my bed! Its been six days since I have been able to sleep. I swear, this butler is a pedophile. I mean who faps to children? Sick men, that's who. I mean he's not as gross as Alois Trancy-that would be down right insulting. That boy deserves to die alone. He revolts me. God, I'm surrounded by repulsing people. My life is a nightmare.

Ciel Phantomhive,

The greatest.


	36. Yum!

_:) Sorry for taking so long! Love you, check out our other stories, and enjoy!_

Sebastian Michaelis-

What a great day! The sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, the Ciel is angry! Everything is a-okay! Whats kind of shocking is the fact that Ciel would get mad over something so small...I mean, all I did was get to second base...Ah if only I could have slid home...Anywho this is how it went.

...

"Ciel, my love, come out come out!" I sang as skipping though the hall, then Ciel greeted me with a door being slammed in my face.

"Ah, good morning Sebastian..." He yawned while rubbing his eyes.

"Aw, young master is so cute this morning!"Ciel then glared at me.

"Look...I said you can be a creeper but don't take action on your need to creep."

"Oh young master...do you want breakfast?"Ciel seemed to peek up at me and smile at the same time.

"Yes! Now thats what you should be doing!" Ciel looked like he was about to jump around because he was so happy. "So what are my choices?"

"Well...there's me...and me... and me...Oh! and of course the nice looking guy named Sebastian..."Ciel frowned as I finished talking, he yawned again before grabbing the newpaper in my hand and smacked me in the face with it.

"Bad cat! Go make master food!"

"Of course my pretty!" Ciel's mouth dropped open.

"Sebastian...never say that again."

Oh how I love Ciel! Luckily he didn't find out the reason why I wanted him out of his room so much...It's because I might have molested him in his sleep...Which is the second base...Might of been why he was so happy...He needs to get out more, and by that I mean go on dates with me!


	37. Date

Dear Journal:

Today Sebastian wanted to take me out of the manor for some…sunlight. Not his exact words…oh well.

We were waking through the streets of London, and here's how our conversation went:

Sebastian: "I'M so~ happy you wanted to go out on a date with me Ciel-Chan~!"

Me: "…..You kind of put a leash on me…AND IT'S NOT A DATE!"

Sebastian: "You KNOW you love me. This will be the best date ever!"

Me: "Not a date."

Sebastian: "Date."

Me: "Not a date."

Sebastian: "Daaaate."

Me: *Cue the twitching eyebrow* "Not a date."

Sebastian: "Daaaa-"

Me: *Stomps on foot* NOT A FREAKING DATE! YOU !$#%#$!"

Sebastian: "Bu-" He gets interrupted by a couple of gross looking female.

Gross Female #1: OMG YOU ARE SO KAWAII!~"

Sebastian: I know. I know."

Gross Female #2: "Wanna go to a club with us?"

Gross Female #3: "Yeah! Leave your little brother and come with us!"

Me: BACK OFF BITCHES! HE'S MINE!"

Gross Females #1, 2, and 3: "O.O…" *Runs off.*

Sebastian: "Daaate~!"


	38. MoonShine

_Ello...Sorry mates, took a bit long, sorry~! Okay here we go, sorry not that funny~!_

_~Ayame Out!~_

Sebastian Michaelis-

Every day he gets cuter...

I love Ciel...So because of that, I have planed a real date. One with candles, dinner under the stars, and a video camera hiding behind a bush aimed at the table that we'll be eating at...What can I say, Im I just ordered moonshine to be dropped off here before noon...Lets say I plan on getting Ciel wasted before I sneak into his bed, how do you think that would go? We'll see...I'll be right back diary...

...

Here's how it went...

"Ciel~! Come to the garden please!" I was soon greeted with Ciel walking to me and giving me a look of 'love'.

"What is it? I do believe that you are the butler in this relationship...So shouldnt you be taking orders?"Ciel just woke up at the look of his hair that seemed to have a wish to fly.

"Relationship huh?" I smiled, but was rejected by Ciel chucking a rock at me. "Anyways...Please sit down, I made dinner..." Again I smiled, but this time it was ment for the camera behind the bush.

"Yeah yeah..."He sleeply made his way a chair and plopped himself down on it. I frowned knowing that he wasnt in the camera's range, luckily fanboys were in the bush too, so they could fix if youre wondering about the fanboys, they made a nerd nest in the bush, theyve been there from the time Ciel moved here, to now I guess...I wonder how theyre still alive if they havent moved for so long...My thought was interupted by a loving Ciel glare.

"Oh! Sorry master, just thinking about your newly found stalkers..." I headed inside and grabbed the bottle of moonshine, and the rest of the meal.I quickly saw Ciel shaking his head at sighed then spoke up.

"Sebastian...You make the word master sound so...perverted..." My eyes shifted to the bush then back to Ciel.

"Ah...So master, I master made master some master steak master plus master got master a master nice master drink master you master should master try...Master? Or do you prefer the name young master?" I couldnt help but smile again.

"...Young master makes you sound like a pedophile..." I quickly poured him some moonshine, the used the rest of it by pouring it on the food...

"Eat up!" I said before turnning around and started to run into the house.I quickly reached the house then watched Ciel eat from the window...  
>Oh yeah Ciel you eat that meat...Yeah you cut that meat up...Oh wait no! Dont cut that meat up! Oh gosh no!<p>

*...Erm...Sorry for the pervy-ness...but I didnt know how perverted it was untill after I wrote it...Sorry~!And uh...if you dont get it then keep your innocence ^_^...*

After about an half an hour of screaming no! Ciel looked drunk enough to eat...Oh sorry I mean drunk enough to rape, I quickly ran out to claim my prize.


	39. Lake

A/N: :D IM BAAAAAAAACK BABY! Sorry it took me so long to do this! But the good news is I have a secret admirer! EXCITEMENT! Anywho….that last chapter wasn't funny….sorry Ayame, but it wasn't! It gave poor Ciel nightmares. But this one will!

Disclaimer: I totally own it! That is, when I dream. I also dream of the Mad Hatter and Batman!

* * *

><p>That butler is a disgrace! His wandering hands should be tied up! And while he's tied up, push him into a lake. He gave me moonshine. I <em>know <em>what moonshine is. I mean, come _on_. I have a whore of an aunt, acquaintances with an _opium _seller and have an ex-sailor living with me. I _know _what the drink looks/smells like.

That silly butler thought I was drunk. Nope. I was loopy because that meat he made? It wasn't even cooked all the way! I'm going to die from some type of food poisoning! Devil hath mercy on thy soul, huh? So this is how the attempted rape went:

Sebastian: "Hello my drunken love-I mean Bocchan! Lets embrace without clothes on!"

Me: "Wha-what? NO! you are sick! Sick, sick, sick demon! You're acting like Grell!"

Sebastian: "You mean…you are not drunk?"

Me: "No! …Where are you trying to touch me, you ingrate?"

Sebastian: "NOWHERE! I…have to clean the gerbils-I mean Alois' cage! Good bye!

Me: "Yeah, you better run. Ain't no one touching this hot stud, biatches!" *gestures at body*

Sebastian: "All in good time, Bocchan! Oh. And if there is any white substance on your bed, do not mind. I was merely looking at a picture of you. Toodles, love~!

* * *

><p>AN: Merry Christmas everyone! (or whatever the hell you celebrate!)

What sucks though, is that I HATE Christmas! bahumbug!


	40. Alois The Great

Ayame here! Sorry it's been so long! Ive been busy with making AMVs, Making cosplay (Both for a anime con...)I'll be updating my other stories faster now...This story however will be be updated when Akane feels like it ^_^". Sorry again! love you all, reviews help Akane get along with the story!

~Ayame Out!~

* * *

><p>Sebastian Michaelis-<p>

Well well well…Something very strange happened today diary, I swear I saw my cute stud muffin laugh….LAUGH, and it wasn't even at anything that I said! Can you believe this? Uh! It was because of this queer-er then queer boy who lives somewhere on the rainbow! Yeah! ON THE RAINBOW! His name was Aloishobag Tranny! It went like this;

Ciel- "Sebastian…Who is this man?" Before I could say anything IT spoke.

Alois- "I am Alois, your new god!"

Me- "….I see, well if you would please be on your way, Bocchan and I were about to have nice gay hardcore sex."

Alois- "….Er…You gu-…." He was quickly cut off by my love.

Ciel- "…Really Sebastian? Hardcore sex?….Are you the reason I didn't have friends for most of my life?"

Me- "No no no, of course not my cotton puff , the reason was because I told everyone that I'd rape them if they tried talking to you…But of course people had to take it so seriously, and I was put on the pedophile watch list…."

Ciel- "….Anyways…..Alois how did you even get in my house?"

Alois- "Oh Sebby let me in, I told him I'd rape you and he could tape it."

Ciel- "Sebastian…"

Me- "Oh! I'm sorry he must have misunderstood me, I said that I'd rape you if he videotaped you!"

Ciel- "Um…Wait….How is that better?…And where are my clothes?"

Me- "I took them out for cleaning"

Ciel- "…That was three weeks ago…I'm forced to be naked or wear this bathrobe I found"

Me- "…Must have been hidden under your bed, I swear I check all of the rooms….I'd prefer if you were naked, so if you could just hand that over to be cleaned, that'd be great…."

Alois- "…You should have been arrested by now…"

At this point Ciel turned from frowning to a small smile.

Ciel- "I tried to call the cops on him, but he is my one and only good butler."

Me- "Oh! Im even better in bed my love!"

Alois- "I bet you make yourself really happy in bed?"

Ciel- "…Alois is it? We shall have a meeting in the courtyard in a few minutes, please head there now…"

Alois- "Kaaaay!"

Me- "…Ciel, I swear the only one I make happy in bed is you!…"

Ciel- "…Yes I'm sure that will happen one day…Not soon nor while I'm alive, but one day, in the graveyard perhaps?…Well, I'm afraid you will have to go make tea now…"

Me- "Right!"

I go make tea, spike Ciel's and put poison in the Flamming boy's tea, but when I head to the courtyard, I see Ciel smiling! He's laughing too! He turned his head and spotted me, which then quickly turned his smile into a frown…Maybe he was trying to look manly in front of me….He's cute either way! Ugh, he got up and stared to leave before I could get my revenge for him being him! Alois walked past me, and my hand slipped and caused him to get fork to the face…Eh, well the rest gets boring, he started crying, bled out all over the fork which made my arm slip and make him to a face plant in the ground…But of course I needed to reach Ciel so I had to walk over him…But him being so 'large' I might have stepped on his back and stomp on it a few times to get the mud off of my shoes….Then it gets boring again with him crying…Well anyways diary, today wasn't a fun day! I didn't even molest Ciel at all!


End file.
